{"id":1018,"date":"2013-09-08T09:56:25","date_gmt":"2013-09-08T14:56:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/pauleide.com\/?p=1018"},"modified":"2020-10-03T18:45:47","modified_gmt":"2020-10-03T23:45:47","slug":"product-review-smooth-naturals-moisturizer","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/i80sportsblog.com\/product-review-smooth-naturals-moisturizer\/","title":{"rendered":"Product Review: Smooth Naturals Moisturizer"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-full wp-image-4724 lazyload\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP\/\/\/yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7\" data-src=\"https:\/\/i80sportsblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/09\/smooth-naturals-moisturizer.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"225\" height=\"225\" data-srcset=\"https:\/\/i80sportsblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/09\/smooth-naturals-moisturizer.jpg 225w, https:\/\/i80sportsblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/09\/smooth-naturals-moisturizer-100x100.jpg 100w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 225px) 100vw, 225px\" \/><noscript><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-full wp-image-4724 lazyload\" src=\"https:\/\/i80sportsblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/09\/smooth-naturals-moisturizer.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"225\" height=\"225\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i80sportsblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/09\/smooth-naturals-moisturizer.jpg 225w, https:\/\/i80sportsblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/09\/smooth-naturals-moisturizer-100x100.jpg 100w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 225px) 100vw, 225px\" \/><\/noscript><\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\">You\u2019re 30 years old &#8212; you\u2019re not seriously going to consider using Noxzema again, are you?<\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\">You\u2019re a man now. And since you\u2019re a man, your use of Noxzema should\u2019ve gone the way of Teen Lines, Debbie Gibson and friendship bracelets&#8230; 20 years ago.<\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\">Don\u2019t know what to use to moisturize that dried out piece of roast beef that looks like it\u2019s seen the rise and fall of a million suns, AKA your face skin? <span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">\u00a0<\/span>Well, dummy, it\u2019s not hard to figure out. If my neighbor Bill can figure it out, that means you can too.<\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\"><!--more--><\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\">Bill is a man\u2019s man. He operates a crane for a commercial construction company. Sometimes he has to sit in the crane for so long, hundreds of feet in the air, that he has to bring an empty bottle to piss in because once he\u2019s up there, he\u2019s fuckin <i style=\"mso-bidi-font-style: normal;\">up there<\/i>. This is a man we\u2019re talking about here, guys, not dudes like you or I &#8212; a fuckin <i style=\"mso-bidi-font-style: normal;\">MAN<\/i>.<\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\">So, the other day, I\u2019m leaning on my chain-link fence between our yards, talking to Bill and we\u2019re smoking, and he says to me,\u00a0\u201cPaul, in less than a year I\u2019m gonna be 60 years old. Can you believe that?\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\">I say to Bill, \u201cHell nah, man. I don\u2019t believe you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\">Bill seriously looks 40, <i style=\"mso-bidi-font-style: normal;\">tops<\/i>. You would never guess that shit.<\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\">\u201cOh yeah buddy, I could easily be your dad,\u201d he says. \u201cBut that\u2019s not my point. My point is this: you wanna age gracefully, you gotta use moisturizer. Paul, I wouldn\u2019t shit you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\">\u201cAs you age, your body generates less and less of everything, but in this particular example, your face generates less and less oil, so your skin dries out faster and stays dry longer than when you are young.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\">Bill casually put out his cigarette with two fingers and flicked it into the street.<\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\">\u201cSo, that means as you get older, you\u2019ve got to start using moisturizer. A lotta guys don\u2019t figure that out until it\u2019s too late.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\">\u201cWhoa,\u201d I said, flummoxed at all the new data entering my brain, synapses firing away. \u201cI have been such a fool.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\">With that, Bill hopped on his Harley and sped off into the crisp, clean, early Saturday night evening air.<\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\">The next day, I checked the mail and a small package arrived from Smooth Naturals. And guess what was in the package?\u00a0MOISTURIZER.<\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\">The mentholated smell in said moisturizer from Smooth Naturals was outstanding, almost as good as a menthol cigarette at dawn. I didn\u2019t know whether to smoke it or apply it to my face.<\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\">After I applied it to my skin, the tingly sensation of a billion tiny menthol fingers cascaded across my face and sent a chill down my spine.<\/p>\n<p>I can only hope that when I\u2019m 60, I look as good as Bill.<\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\">For more information, check out the Smooth Naturals Facebook page.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You\u2019re 30 years old &#8212; you\u2019re not seriously going to consider using Noxzema again, are you? You\u2019re a man now. [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4724,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center 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Eide","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/i80sportsblog.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/191a9bf9a42476715d20608b1b0d5a4774ca41e1083305b2b8d76d59972b94b2?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/191a9bf9a42476715d20608b1b0d5a4774ca41e1083305b2b8d76d59972b94b2?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Paul Eide"},"description":"I\u2019ve been a freelance journalist since 2000 and have had my work published via AskMen, Sports Illustrated, Bleacher Report, Busted Coverage, and Autotrader. \u00a0 I own a marketing agency Wandering Eye and a notary business, Nebraska Notary. I\u2019ve done stand-up comedy, I'm a dad, former youth soccer club President, and former team statistician for the oldest indoor football team in the world, the Omaha Beef. I\u2019ve married six couples in 10 years and my Marriage to Still Married ratio is 6:6. I always say, it isn\u2019t so much about the \u201clove,\u201d as it is the tasteless jokes that became vows. \u00a0 I started the I-80 Sports Blog to have all the work I've published located in one place and to write about things I want to write about. I don't take anything too seriously and it is a real time saver.","url":"https:\/\/i80sportsblog.com\/author\/paul\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/i80sportsblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1018","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/i80sportsblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/i80sportsblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/i80sportsblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/i80sportsblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1018"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/i80sportsblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1018\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/i80sportsblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4724"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/i80sportsblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1018"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/i80sportsblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1018"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/i80sportsblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1018"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}